Hyrule SingOff
by Midna Hytwilian
Summary: Sing for your lives, otherwise you're getting auctioned off! Song-fic. Made out of boredom, side-project, may get cancled eventually.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

A/N: I know these stories do not follow the rules of but I just couldn't help it. Just so I can get a few songs out and stuff, you know? At least it's not in script form! Oh, I hate American Idol, just a heads up. I know, shocking. It's like "why the fuck are you doing this, then?"

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"Welcome to Hylian I-"

"Very creative title." A female interrupted the host.

The host, a young teenage girl-much like the female who interrupted her-glared at the girl. "Fine. Welcome to Hylian Sing-Off!"

"Blech, not good enough."

"FINE! Welcome to HYRULE Sing-Off! Happy?"

"Yes."

"I'm your host, Katrina Longbottom."

"Haha, you just made fun of your ass."

"And this is my ever annoying co-host, Jessica Horseface."

"LIES! I'm your co-host, Rachel Tiverway!"

"Before we introduce our contestants, let's explain the rules, shall we? Rachel, take it away!"

"At Hyrule Sing-Off, contestants shall be singing their way to fame or rather, in order not to get sold off to a rabid fangirl or fanboy. The rules are simple. The songs have to be real, have lyrics, and the contestants are not aloud to sabatoge! The better the song fits the character, the higher chance they have of winning. Each week, you'll get the chance to vote for the best and worst singer of the week. The worst will then be shipped to the auction house, where at the end of the month they will be sold. The best will get 500 rupees that week and the rest may stay! The grand-prize winner gets 2500 rupees, no fangirls or fanboys auctioning off for them, and a trip to the wonderful world of Disney-I er mean...yeah, Disney."

"Meet our contestants."

"Ruler of the Twilight Realm, watch out for this tough princess! Give a warm welcome to, Midna!"

The crowd cheered and a few whistles sounded as The Twilight Princess walked out onto the stage and took a bow. "Thank you, everyone!" Another wolf whistle went off. "YO, YOU IN THE BACK ROW, SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Immediatly the crowd winced and quieted down as she took a seat.

"Some say that she's the lightside of Midna. Some say she's useless with a bow and arrow. And some say she's the hottest princess there ever was! Say hello to the royal and wise, Princess Zelda!"

The crowd roared once more as Princess Zelda gracefully walked onto the stage, curtsying. She waved to the audience and smiled sweetly as she took her seat, crossing her legs as she did so.

"He's been featured plenty of times, no one wants to leave this green tunic wearing boy out. Well, except for Mido. He may not have much to say most of the time but he sure does have a singing voice! Give your hands up for the Hero of Time, Twilight, Winds, and anything else you can come up with, LINK!"

Fangirls squealed with delight as he walked onto the stage, a slight blush on his face. "T-thanks." The shrieks went up five more octives.

"RACHEL!"

"I'm on it!"

Rachel pulled out a tranquilizer gun and aimed it at a group of fangirls, immediatly the shrieks fainted until it was nothing more then awkward clapping.

"Lock the doors, watch your little girls, and make sure that you're not being followed into the Temple of Time! He's badass and hardcore to the bone, GANONDORF!"

A few people boo'd, a few people screamed with delight and fear, and some people just clapped to be poilite as the Gerudo sat down on a lone bench. "Silence!"

"Ignore him." Jessica ordered.

"Crazy? Who're you callin' crazy? This Twili's been drawn down to desperation and can't take no more. Welcome, Usurper King, Zant."

"Oh come on!" Most of the crowd laughed as Zant sat down next to Ganondorf. "You've gotta be kidding me."

"Moving onto some of our other favorite villians....she hates her real form, she wants sorrow, and boy is she a manipulitive bitch! The almighty, Veran."

As Veran winked at the crowd, most of the boys wolf whistled or made innaproprite gestures.

"Straight out of the Four Sword, he was fascinated by the darkness in the heart's of men. From an adorable Minish to a sexy Hylian Wind Mage, give it up for Vaati!"

The reaction was much like Link's crowd, Vaati shot the girls a glare that immediatly shut them up as he took a seat.

"Thanks." Rachel nodded to him.

"Probably the hugest fangirl ever to live and most under appreciated female character, Princess of the Zora. Say hello to our little fishy friend, Princess Ruto!"

"STAY AWAY FROM OUR MAN, BITCH!"

"I'M ENGAGED TO HIM, FIRST DIBS, SLUTS!" Ruto shouted back.

"With a sharp tongue and disloyal broom, this witch is flying in! Are you a good witch or a bad witch? Meet, The Great Witch Maple!"

"Well, you've meet the contestants, now it's time for them to perform." Jessica began to walk off the stage. "Up first is Midna."

"The Princess of Twilight shall be performing Conspiracy by Paramore."

The lights dimmed as the two girls lead the contestants off the stage, save for Midna. No one clapped as they awaited for her to start. The music began.

"Please speak softly, for they will hear us.  
And they'll find out why we don't trust them.  
Speak up dear cause I cannot hear you!  
I need to know why we don't trust them.

Explain to me this conspiracy against me!  
And tell me how I've lost my power!!

Where can I turn? Cause I need something more.  
Surrounded by uncertainty I'm so unsure.  
Tell me why I feel so alone cause I need to Know to whom do I owe?

Explain to me this conspiracy against me!  
And tell me how I've lost my power!!

I thought that we'd make it.  
Because you said that we'd make it through...  
And when all security fails  
will you be there to help me through?

Explain to me this conspiracy against me!  
And tell me how I've lost my power!!

I've lost my power."

The lights went off altogether and when they returned, Midna was replaced by Jessica and Rachel.

"Wow, what a performance! Beautiful." Jessica wiped a tear from her eye.

"Next up will be Princess Zelda performing Holding Out For a Hero covered by Frou Frou."

Princess Zelda stepped up to the stage as the girls wished her luck and left. The music began, the crowd chanting the beginning.

"Where have all the good men gone  
and where are all the gods?  
Where's the streetwise Hercules to fight the rising odds?  
Isn't there a white knight upon a fiery steed?  
Late at night I toss  
and I turn  
and I dream of what I need.  
I need a hero. I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night!  
He's gotta be strong  
and he's gotta be fast

And he's gotta be fresh from the fight.  
I need a hero. I'm holding out for a hero 'til the morning light.  
He's gotta be sure  
and it's gotta be soon

And he's gotta be larger than life!  
Larger than life.  
Somewhere after midnight  
in my wildest fantasy

Somewhere just beyond my reach  
there's someone reaching back for me.  
Racing on the thunder and rising with the heat!

It's gonna take a superman to sweep me off my feet.  
I need a hero. I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night.  
He's gotta be strong  
and he's gotta be fast

And he's gotta be fresh from the fight.  
I need a hero. I'm holding out for a hero 'til the morning light.  
He's gotta be sure  
and it's gotta be soon

And he's gotta be larger than life.  
I need a hero. I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night.  
Up where the mountains meet the heavens above

Out where the lightning splits the sea

I could swear there is someone  
somewhere  
watching me.  
Through the wind  
and the chill  
and the rain

And the storm  
and the flood

I can feel his approach like a fire in my blood.  
I need a hero. I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night.  
He's gotta be strong and he's gotta be fast

And he's gotta be fresh from the fight.  
I need a hero. I'm holding out for a hero 'til the morning light.  
He's gotta be sure  
and it's gotta be soon

And he's gotta be larger than life.  
I need a hero. I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night. "

The two girls lead the Princess off stage as they brought forth Maple. "Next up is Holodrum's favorite witch, Maple! She shall be performing Put a Spell On You covered by Sonique!"

Maple gave a cheeky grin at the crowd as the music began, she whistled and her broom appeared. She began to use it as an air guitar.

"I put a spell on you  
Cause you're mine.  
You better stop the things you do!  
I ain't lying, no I ain't lying.

You know I can't stand it.  
You're running around.  
You know better daddy!  
I can't stand it cause you put me down.

I put a spell on you  
Because you're mine  
You're mine.

I love ya, I love you, I love you!  
I love you anyhow and I don't care  
If you don't want me  
I'm yours right now.

You hear me  
I put a spell on you  
Because you're mine.

I put a spell on you  
Cause you're mine.  
You better stop the things you do!  
I ain't lying, no I ain't lying.

I put a spell on you  
Cause you're mine.  
You better stop the things you do!  
I ain't lying, no I ain't lying.

I put a spell on you  
Cause you're mine.  
You better stop the things you do!  
I ain't lying, no I ain't lying.

I put a spell on you  
Cause you're mine.  
You better stop the things you do!  
I ain't lying, no I ain't lying!"

With a cackle she flew off of the stage with her broom. The two girls brought Zant up onto the stage, smiling from ear to ear. "Next up is Zant, who'll be performing the Waffle Song by Perry Gripp. Sing-along if you know the words."

"Do you like Waffles?  
Yeah, we like waffles!

Do you like pancakes?  
Yeah, we like pancakes!

Do you french toasts?  
Yeah, we like french toasts!

Dudududu, can't wait to get a mouth full!

Waffles!  
Waffles!  
Waffles!  
Wa-dudududu, can't wait to get a mouth full!

Do you like Waffles?  
Yeah, we like waffles!

Do you like pancakes?  
Yeah, we like pancakes!

Do you french toasts?  
Yeah, we like french toasts!

Wa-dudududu, can't wait to get a mouth full!"

Everyone in the crowd cheered, continuing the song despite the fact that it was already over as he was retreating from the stage. "Next up, here she is...Veran!"

The wolf whistling from the males picked up again, a few girls joining in. Rachel sweatdropped.

"Veran shall be performing...Oh, that's a change." Jessica shrugged. "Fine, your performance. She shall be performing He Wasn't There by Lilly Allen." They exited the stage.

'He wasn't there when I needed him.  
No, he was never around...  
His reputation was preceding him  
And he was out on the town!  
It didn't matter if he let me down.  
I didn't care about the lies.  
Now all I knew was that he loved me very much.  
He was my hero in disguise!

I'm so pleased I never gave up on him!  
Oh well you wouldn't believe some of the things that he did....  
And everyone said you have to give him some time!  
And I'm glad that I gave it to him cause now everything's fine.

Now you see I never thought you'd be a constant person in my life...  
And I don't think that you would be if you'd have stayed with your ex wife!  
I know you wouldn't but there is no need  
No need to apologise.  
Because I know you'll always love me very much.  
You are my hero in disguise.

I'm so pleased I never gave up on him!  
Oh well you wouldn't believe some of the things that he did...  
And everyone said you have to give him some time!  
And I'm glad that I gave it to him cause now everything's fine.

You might have thought you didn't teach me much  
But you taught me right from wrong.  
And it was when you didn't keep in touch  
Well it taught me to be strong!  
And just in case you ever thought I would,  
I wouldn't change you for the world.  
Because I know you'll always love me very much.  
I'll always be you're little girl.

I'm so pleased I never gave up on him!  
Oh well you wouldn't believe some of the things that he did....  
And everyone said you have to give him some time!  
And I'm glad that I gave it to him cause now everything's fine."

The attracted part of the crowd frowned at the song as she walked off, winking to Ganondorf as she went. "Well that was...yeah." Jessica just shrugged.

"Next up is Vaati! He shall be performing Does Your Mother Know by ABBA!" Rachel screamed above the fangirls shrieks. Before the girls could even leave the stage, the music began to play. Rachel swooned slightly as Vaati came up onto the stage.

"You're so hot, teasing me.  
So you're blue but I cant take a chance on a chick like you  
That's something I couldnt do!  
There's that look in your eyes.  
I can read in your face that your feelings are driving you wild,  
Ah, but girl you're only a child.

Well I can dance with you honey  
If you think it's funny!  
Does your mother know that you're out?  
And I can chat with you baby!  
Flirt a little maybe.  
Does your mother know that you're out?

Take it easy! (take it easy)  
Better slow down girl.  
That's no way to go  
Does your mother know?  
Take it easy (take it easy)  
Try to cool it girl!  
Take it nice and slow.  
Does your mother know?

I can see what you want  
But you seem pretty young to be searching for that kind of fun.  
So maybe I'm not the one?  
Now you're so cute, I like your style  
And I know what you mean when you give me a flash of that smile. (smile)  
But girl you're only a child!

Well I can dance with you honey  
If you think it's funny!  
Does your mother know that you're out?  
And I can chat with you baby.  
Flirt a little maybe?  
Does your mother know that youre out?

Take it easy. (take it easy)  
Better slow down girl!  
That's no way to go  
Does your mother know?  
Take it easy (take it easy)  
Try to cool it girl.  
Take it nice and slow.  
Does your mother know?

Well I can dance with you honey!  
If you think it's funny.  
Does your mother know that youre out?  
And I can chat with you baby!  
Flirt a little maybe.  
Does your mother know that youre out?"

While every female tried to collect themselves, the males sent a glare at the Wind Mage as he smirked at the crowd. Finally, after fifteen minutes, the two hosts came back on stage. "Give a hand to Princess Ruto, whom shall be performing Take a Chance on Me by ABBA!" The two girls ran off of the stage.

Ruto frowned at the scowls she was getting when she entered onto the stage.

"If you change your mind, I'm the first in line!  
Honey I'm still free.  
Take a chance on me.  
If you need me, let me know, gonna be around!  
If you've got no place to go, if you're feeling down!  
If you're all alone when the pretty birds have flown.  
Honey I'm still free.  
Take a chance on me.  
Gonna do my very best and it ain't no lie!  
If you put me to the test, if you let me try!

Take a chance on me.  
(That's all I ask of you honey)  
Take a chance on me.

We can go dancing, we can go walking, as long as we're together.  
Listen to some music, maybe just talking, get to know you better?  
'Cos you know I've got  
So much that I wanna do, when I dream I'm alone with you  
It's magic!  
You want me to leave it there, afraid of a love affair.  
But I think you know  
That I can't let go.

If you change your mind, I'm the first in line!  
Honey I'm still free.  
Take a chance on me.  
If you need me, let me know, gonna be around!  
If you've got no place to go, if you're feeling down!  
If you're all alone when the pretty birds have flown.  
Honey I'm still free!  
Take a chance on me!  
Gonna do my very best and it ain't no lie.  
If you put me to the test, if you let me try.

Take a chance on me!  
(Come on, give me a break will you?)  
Take a chance on me.  
Oh you can take your time baby, I'm in no hurry, know I'm gonna get you.  
You don't wanna hurt me, baby don't worry, I ain't gonna let you.  
Let me tell you now.  
My love is strong enough to last when things are rough  
It's magic!  
You say that I waste my time but I can't get you off my mind.  
No I can't let go!  
'Cos I love you so.

If you change your mind, I'm the first in line!  
Honey I'm still free.  
Take a chance on me.  
If you need me, let me know, gonna be around!  
If you've got no place to go, if you're feeling down.  
If you're all alone when the pretty birds have flown!  
Honey I'm still free.  
Take a chance on me!  
Gonna do my very best, baby can't you see.  
Gotta put me to the test, take a chance on me!  
(Take a chance, take a chance, take a chance on me)

Ba ba ba ba baa, ba ba ba ba baa  
Honey I'm still free!  
Take a chance on me?  
Gonna do my very best, baby can't you see?  
Gotta put me to the test, take a chance on me!  
(Take a chance, take a chance, take a chance on me)

Ba ba ba ba baa, ba ba ba ba baa ba-ba  
Honey I'm still free!  
Take a chance on me."

"Nicely done, Ruto. At least you didn't try to suduce anyone with your song." Rachel shot a glare off stage to Vaati.

"Next up is the power crazed Ganondorf performing Everybody Wants to Rule the World by Tears for Fears." Jessica groaned as they left the stage. I mean, what else would he sing?

"Welcome to your life.  
There's no turning back!  
Even while we sleep  
We will find you acting on your best behavior.  
Turn your back on mother nature.  
Everybody wants to rule the world.

It's my own design...  
It's my own remorse...  
Help me to decide!  
Help me make the most  
Of freedom and of pleasure.  
Nothing ever lasts forever!  
Everybody wants to rule the world.

There's a room where the light won't find you!  
Holding hands while the walls come tumbling down.  
When they do I'll be right behind you!

So glad we've almost made it.  
So sad they had to fade it.  
Everybody wants to rule the world.

I can't stand this indecision!  
Married with a lack of vision.  
Everybody wants to rule the world.  
Say that you'll never never never never need it  
One headline why believe it?  
Everybody wants to rule the world.

All for freedom and for pleasure.  
Nothing ever lasts forever!  
Everybody wants to rule the world."

As he walked off the stage, almost everyone in the studio shouted the same thing. "ARE VERAN AND GANONDORF DATING?!"

"Here's the man you've all be waiting for. Link! He shall be performing Only One by Yellowcard." The two girls smiled at the hero on their way out.

"Broken this fragile thing now.  
And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces.  
And I've thrown my words all around  
But I can't, I can't give you a reason.  
I feel so broken up. (so broken up)  
And I give up. (I give up)  
I just want to tell you so you know...

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you!  
You are my only one.  
I let go, but there's just no one who gets me like you do!  
You are my only, my only one.

Made my mistakes, let you down...  
And I can't, I can't hold on for too long.  
Ran my whole life in the ground.  
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone.

And something's breaking up! (breaking up)  
I feel like giving up! (like giving up)  
I won't walk out until you know!

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you!  
You are my only one.  
I let go, but there's just no one who gets me like you do!  
You are my only my only one.

Here I go, so dishonestly leave a note for you my only one, and I know you can see right through me so let me go and you will find someone...

Hear I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you!  
You are my only one.  
I let go, but there`s just no one, no one like you...  
You are my only, my only one!  
My only one! My only one! My only one! My only one!

You are my only, my only one!"

Almost every girl was sobbing as the guys tried to hold in tears, themselves.

"Aw, that was so sweet." Rachel sniffled.

"Thank you."

"Was that for Midna?" Jessica prided.

He blushed a bit.

"Well, that's all the time we have. Be sure to vote on the worst for this week. Thank you everyone and have a goodnight!" The two girls shouted at the same time, holding a thumbs-up, and winking.

This program was brough to you by Telma's Tavern. If you're single, in your thirties, and don't mind a rebelious woman, come on down!

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A/N: It took me awhile to find some of these songs. I love them all, though. So...Link's song is one of my favorites. Only One is such a romantic song....

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	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I own almost nothing.

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"Can you believe the producers got my name wrong during the show?" Katrina complained as they walked out onto stage. "Welcome to Hyrule Sing-Off! I'm your host, Katrina Longbottom and this is my co-host Rachel Bitchwater."

Rachel glared. "Our judges have submited their believes and a few have suggested songs!"

"Which is good because the director doesn't have all the songs planned out."

"Because she's a freakin' nut who just starts projects if they sound fun."

"Which she usually ends up deleting..."

"But, anyway...two of our judges said different things."

"Zant, Veran, come onto the stage."

Sure enough, the two villians walked out looking extremly pissed.

"Fractured Sanity has voted Veran off while Jyrral has voted Zant off. In addition to the usual competition, these two will be going up against each other and next week the winner will go back to going against everyone else." Katrina explained.

"First up is Zant, singing Safety Dance by Men without Hats." Rachel grinned as she lead Veran off the stage.

"S-s-s-s A-a-a-a F-f-f-f E-e-e-e T-t-t-t Y-y-y-y  
Safety Dance!" He began.

"We can dance if we want to.  
We can leave your friends behind.  
'Cause your friends don't dance and if they don't dance  
Well they're no friends of mine!  
I say, we can go where we want to.  
A place where they will never find.  
And we can act like we come from out of this world  
Leave the real one far behind!  
And we can dance."

It began to get _really _good when he began to sing.

"We can dance if we want to.  
We can leave your friends behind.  
'Cause your friends don't dance and if they don't dance  
Well they're no friends of mine!  
I say, we can go where we want to.  
A place where they will never find.  
And we can act like we come from out of this world  
Leave the real one far behind!  
And we can dance.

Dance!

We can go when we want to.  
The night is young and so am I!  
And we can dress real neat from our hats to our feet  
And surprise 'em with the victory cry.  
Say, we can act if want to.  
If we don't nobody will!  
And you can act real rude and totally removed  
And I can act like an imbecile!

I say, we can dance, we can dance...  
Everything out of control!  
We can dance, we can dance...  
We're doing it from wall to wall!  
We can dance, we can dance....  
Everybody look at your hands!  
We can dance, we can dance...  
Everybody takin' the cha-a-a-ance!

Safety dance.  
Is it safe to dance?  
Is it safe to dance?

S-s-s-s A-a-a-a F-f-f-f E-e-e-e T-t-t-t Y-y-y-y  
Safe, dance!

We can dance if we want to!  
We've got all your life and mine.  
As long as we abuse it, never gonna lose it.  
Everything'll work out right.  
I say, we can dance if we want to.  
We can leave your friends behind.  
'Cause your friends don't dance and if they don't dance  
Well they're no friends of mine!

Is it safe to dance, oh is it safe to dance?  
Is it safe to dance?"

The crowd watched him stop twirling around as Rachel and Katrina pulled out extinguishers to stop the flames.

"Next up is Veran singing Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend by Marilyn Manroe!" Katrina swept the ashes away.

The others left the stage as Veran began to sing.

"The French are glad to die for love.  
They delight in fighting duels.  
But I prefer a man who lives  
And gives expensive jewels.  
A kiss on the hand  
May be quite continental,  
But diamonds are a girl's best friend.

A kiss may be grand...  
But it won't pay the rental  
On your humble flat  
Or help you at the automat.

Men grow cold.  
As girls grow old,  
And we all lose our charms in the end.

But square-cut or pear-shaped,  
These rocks don't loose their shape.  
Diamonds are a girl's best friend.

Tiffany's!  
Cartier!  
Black Starr!  
Frost Gorham!  
Talk to me Harry Winston.  
Tell me all about it!

There may come a time  
When a lass needs a lawyer,  
But diamonds are a girl's best friend.

There may come a time  
When a hard-boiled employer  
Thinks you're awful nice,  
But get that ice or else no dice.

He's your guy  
When stocks are high,  
But beware when they start to descend.

It's then that those louses  
Go back to their spouses.  
Diamonds are a girl's best friend.

I've heard of affairs  
That are strictly platonic,  
But diamonds are a girl's best friend.

And I think affairs  
That you must keep liaisonic  
Are better bets  
If little pets get big baguettes.

Time rolls on,  
And youth is gone,  
And you can't straighten up when you bend.

But stiff back  
Or stiff knees,  
You stand straight at Tiffany's!

Diamonds! Diamonds!  
I don't mean rhinestones!  
But diamonds are a girl's best friend."

"CALL ME!" A male jumped up and down in the audience. "I'M RICH!"

"With your vote for the other contestants performances, please include if Zant or Veran should be kicked off along with the other person from today's performance." Rachel pushed Veran out of the way.

"Next up is Princess Ruto, performing Barracuda by Heart!"

The song began to play before Ruto was even up on the stage. She came on jumping up and down.

"So this ain't the end -  
I saw you again today  
I had to turn my heart away....  
Smiled like the sun -  
Kisses for everyone  
And tales - it never fails!

You lying so low in the weeds!  
I bet you gonna ambush me!  
You'd have me down down down down on my knees  
Now wouldn't you, barracuda?

Back over time we were all  
Trying for free.  
You met the porpoise and me.  
No right no wrong, selling a song-  
A name, whisper game.

If the real thing don't do the trick  
You better make up something quick!  
You gonna burn burn burn burn it to the wick.  
Ooooooh, barracuda?

Sell me sell you the porpoise said!  
Dive down deep down to save my head.  
You...I think you got the blues too.

All that night and all the next  
Swam without looking back!  
Made for the western pools - silly fools!

If the real thing don't do the trick  
No, you better make up something quick!  
You gonna burn burn burn burn it to the wick.  
Ooooooohhhh, barra barracuda.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh."

Surprisingly, no Link fangirls were cursing the Zora out. Instead they were actually punching a few of the guys. She smiled sinisterly as she walked off the stage. The girls shrugged as they walked onto the stage.

"Next up is Midna, she shall be performing She Wolf by Shakira." They walked off.

The music began.

"SOS she's in disguise!  
SOS she's in disguise!  
There's a she wolf in disguise  
Coming out coming out coming out!

A domesticated girl that's all you ask of me.  
Darling it is no joke this is lycanthropy.  
The moon's awake now with eyes wide open  
My body's craving so feed the hungry.

I've been devoting myself to you Monday to Monday and Friday to Friday!  
Not getting enough retribution or decent incentives to keep me at it.  
I'm starting to feel just a little abused like a coffee machine in an office.  
So I'm gonna go somewhere cozy to get me a lover and tell you all about it...

There's a she wolf in the closet!  
Open up and set it free. (Awooh)  
There's a she wolf in the closet.  
Let it out so it can breathe!

Sitting across a bar staring right at her prey  
It's going well so far she's gonna get her way.  
Nocturnal creatures are not so prudent.  
The moon's my teacher and I'm her student.

To locate the single men I got on me a special radar!  
And the fire department hotline in case I get in trouble later.  
Not looking for cute little divos or rich city guys I just want to enjoy!  
By having a very good time and behave very bad in the arms of a boy.

There's a she wolf in the closet!  
Open up and set it free! (Awooh)  
There's a she wolf in the closet.  
Let it out so it can breathe!

SOS she's in disguise.  
SOS she's in disguise.  
There's a she wolf in disguise  
Coming out coming out coming out!

SOS she's in disguise!  
SOS she's in disguise!  
There's a she wolf in disguise  
Coming out coming out coming out!

There's a she wolf in the closet, let it out so it can breathe!"

As Midna departed the stage, the two girls came out with a gagged Maple. "To celeberate the passing of all Hallow's Eve, Maple shall be performing Oh, Oh, Oh Sexy Vampire by Fright Ranger." Katrina smiled as she ungagged her. Before Maple could slap the two, they ran off the stage.

"I forgot to wear my cross tonight. I left my garlic at home...

It's so dumb, but it's so fun; to wander 'round the city alone!

I'm running, fallin' down... Chase me all around this town. And now you finally got me. What am I to do?  
(Oh, Oh, Oh)  
Sexy Vampire, I'm fallin' in love so just bite me baby, and drink all my blood.  
(Oh Yeah,)  
Sexy Vampire, I'm falling in love with you... So do what you want to do.

Sexy vampire  
I'm falling in love.  
So just bite me baby  
And drink all my blood!

Oh yeah.

Sexy vampire  
I'm falling in love with you!  
'Cause you need my plasma more than I do.

Hey you wanna stop for a drink or two?  
And maybe for a disco break here!  
We'll party all night until the sun comes up!  
You could say I'm raising the stakes.

I'm runnin', fallin' down!  
Chase me all around this town.  
And now you've finally got me!  
What am I to do? (Oh, oh, oh)

Sexy vampire,  
I'm falling in love.  
So just bite me baby  
And drink all my blood!

Oh yeah.

Sexy vampire  
I'm falling in love with you.  
So do what you want to do.

Sexy vampire  
I'm falling in love.  
So just bite me baby  
And drink all my blood!

Oh yeah.

Sexy vampire  
I'm falling in love with you!  
'Cause you need my plasma more than I do...

Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh!"

Katrina danced out onto the stage with Rachel as the song began to end. "Next up is Ganondorf, whom shall be performing Thriller by Micheal Jackson."

Oh Oh Oh Sexy Vampire ended as Ganondorf came up on stage and Maple flew off.

"It's close to midnight and something evil's lurking in the dark.  
Under the moonlight, you see a sight that almost stops your heart.  
You try to scream but terror takes the sound before you make it.  
You start to freeze as horror looks you right between the eyes!  
You're paralyzed.

'Cause this is thriller, thriller night!  
And no one's gonna save you from the beast about strike.  
You know it's thriller, thriller night!  
You're fighting for your life inside a killer, thriller tonight!

You hear the door slam and realize there's nowhere left to run.  
You feel the cold hand and wonder if you'll ever see the sun.  
You close your eyes and hope that this is just imagination, girl!  
But all the while you hear the creature creeping up behind...  
You're out of time!

'Cause this is thriller, thriller night!  
There ain't no second chance against the thing with forty eyes, girl.  
Thriller, thriller night!  
You're fighting for your life inside a killer, thriller tonight!

Night creatures calling, the dead start to walk in their masquerade.  
There's no escaping the jaws of the alien this time!  
(They're open wide)  
This is the end of your life.

They're out to get you, there's demons closing in on every side...  
They will possess you unless you change that number on your dial!  
Now is the time for you and I to cuddle close together, yeah  
All through the night I'll save you from the terror on the screen!  
I'll make you see.

That this is thriller, thriller night!  
'Cause I can thrill you more than any ghost would ever dare try.  
Thriller, thriller night!  
So let me hold you tight and share a  
Killer, diller, chiller, thriller here tonight.

'Cause this is thriller, thriller night!  
Girl, I can thrill you more than any ghost would ever dare try.  
Thriller, thriller night!  
So let me hold you tight and share a killer, thriller, ow!

(I'm gonna thrill ya tonight)  
Darkness falls across the land.  
The midnight hour is close at hand.  
Creatures crawl in search of blood.  
To terrorize y'alls neighborhood!

I'm gonna thrill ya tonight, ooh baby.  
I'm gonna thrill ya tonight, oh darlin'.  
Thriller night, baby, ooh!

The foulest stench is in the air.  
The funk of forty thousand years.  
And grizzly ghouls from every tomb.  
Are closing in to seal your doom!

And though you fight to stay alive...  
Your body starts to shiver.  
For no mere mortal can resist  
The evil of the thriller!"

He cackled sinisterly as the girls came onto the stage.

"Dude, you freakin' lost it." Rachel stated bluntly.

"Next is Princess Zelda singing Heart of Glass by Blondie."

"Once I had a love and it was a gas.  
Soon turned out had a heart of glass!  
Seemed like the real thing, only to find...  
Mucho mistrust, love's gone behind.  
Once I had a love and it was divine.  
Soon found out I was losing my mind!  
It seemed like the real thing but I was so blind.  
Mucho mistrust, love's gone behind!

In between  
What I find is pleasing and I'm feeling fine.  
Love is so confusing there's no peace of mind.  
If I fear I'm losing you it's just no good.  
You teasing like you do.

Once I had a love and it was a gas.  
Soon turned out had a heart of glass.  
Seemed like the real thing, only to find...  
Mucho mistrust, love's gone behind!

Once I had a love and it was divine.  
Soon found out I was losing my mind...  
It seemed like the real thing but I was so blind!  
Mucho mistrust, love's gone behind.

Lost inside.  
Adorable illusion and I cannot hide.  
I'm the one you're using, please don't push me aside.  
We coulda made it cruising, yeah.

Yeah, riding high on love's true bluish light!

Once I had a love and it was a gas.  
Soon turned out to be a pain in the ass!  
Seemed like the real thing only to find...  
Mucho mistrust, love's gone behind."

"Next up is Vaati and Link!"

The fangirls screamed with utter joy as Rachel took out a Bazooca. "SHUT UP!" Immediatly the screaming stopped.

"Due to their song choice, they have decided that it would be best that they both sing the song. I'm Your Villian by Kid Down." They walked off as the two walked on.

"I bet the situation  
Turned into a nasty one!  
So bring your guns and make your move." Vaati started.

"It maybe looked like one step forward  
When we lost it down the road.  
One giant leap would be my choice!

I panicked and I ran.  
Lost track, with no way back.  
I picked up on this trace.  
Will it lead me further?

Hold on my friend!" Link continued.  
"Or the wind will hit you down again."  
"It's all one big mess  
Let's hope the storm will fade away."

"Spread all the way out to my finger tips  
As frightening as one million ghosts.

Am I the bad cop this time  
Since I'm out there to get you?

No, I steal and I plunder!  
I hope that you don't mind."

"I think that we should  
Break  
The  
Curse  
Or break it all!"

"Like a burn, the pain is constant when it falls."

"Better run, hide, I made my move."  
"Felt like like shit then somehow got it right and now I'm through!  
I'm a villain, just like you!"

"Hold on my friend!"  
"Or the wind will hit you down again."  
"It's all one big mess...  
Let's hope the storm will fade away!"

"I think that with time you'll understand  
That for once, my life has a plan!  
I won't let it go away that easy that's for sure!  
So I had to be straight with you, hell, we would have lost.  
I won't take it back, no way, no way."

"Hold on my friend!"  
"Or the wind will hit you down again."  
"It's all one big mess...  
Let's hope the storm will fade away.

Hold on my friend!  
Let's hope the storm will fade away."

"The storm will fade away."

A few girls tried to tackle the two as they left the stage, Link a shade of red and Vaati looking quite aggrivated with all the females attention.

"Holy shit, I think that's it." Katrina seemed surprised.

"It is. Wow." Rachel frowned. "That was quick."

"Vote on who should be offed from this week's performance, including if Zant or Veran should be offed for last week's performance."

"See you next time on Hyrule Sing-Off!"

_

* * *

_


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I own almost nothing.

* * *

"Welcome to Hyrule Sing-Off! I'm your host Katrina Longbottom and this is my co-host, Rachel Whoretastci!"

"Fuck off, Katrina."

"Your welcome."

"Surprisingly, Ganondrf was voted off for last week's performance!"

"Ganondorf and Veran, please come up."

The two villains walked onto the stage.

"Veran, you have been voted off by Fractured Sanity from two weeks ago and by NaruSukufluff4ever."

"Ganondorf, you have been voted off by CrimsonDarkness0013."

"Damn it!" Ganondorf shouted. "I hate this show anyway, it sucks!" The angry witch flew out of the studio and to the truck waiting for him.

Veran glared at the judges. "I hate you all. Jyrral, call me." She winked. With that said, she walked off of the stage towards Jyrral and handed him a piece of paper. She would later be auctioned off to Judge Jyrral.

"I guess she and Ganondorf broke up..." Rachel shrugged.

A group of men grabbed Veran by the shoulders and dragged her to the truck to be taken to an auction at a later date. "Here is Maple with Hot and Cold by Katy Perry."

"You change your mind  
Like a girl changes clothes.  
Yeah you, PMS  
Like a bitch.  
I would know!

And you over think,  
Always speak,  
Critically!

I should know  
That you're no good for me!

Cause you're hot then you're cold.  
You're yes then you're no.  
You're in then you're out.  
You're up then you're down.  
You're wrong when it's right.  
It's black and it's white.  
We fight, we break up!  
We kiss, we make up!  
(you) You don't really want to stay, no.  
(but you) But you don't really want to go-o.  
You're hot then you're cold.  
You're yes then you're no.  
You're in then you're out.  
You're up then you're down!

We used to be  
Just like twins.  
So in sync!  
The same energy  
Now's a dead battery.  
Used to laugh bout nothing  
Now your plain boring.

I should know that  
you're not gonna change!  
Cause you're hot then you're cold.  
You're yes then you're no.  
You're in then you're out.  
You're up then you're down.  
You're wrong when it's right.  
It's black and it's white.  
We fight, we break up!  
We kiss, we make up!  
(you) You don't really want to stay, no.  
(but you) But you don't really want to go-o.  
You're hot then you're cold.  
You're yes then you're no.  
You're in then you're out.  
You're up then you're down!

Someone call the doctor.  
Got a case of a love bi-polar!  
Stuck on a roller coaster...  
Can't get off this ride!

You change your mind  
Like a girl changes clothes!"

She cackled as she rode off on her broom.

"Is she going to do that everytime she sings a song, now?" Katrina wondered as she walked onto the stage.

"Next is Zant, he shall be singing Let's Dance by David Bowie. Damn, are you just going to sing about dancing, now?"

Zant ignored Rachel as he walked out onto the stage and pushed them off.

"Let's dance put on your red shoes and dance the blues!  
Let's dance to the song they're playin' on the radio!  
Let's sway while color lights up your face.  
Let's sway sway through the crowd to an empty space.

If you say run, I'll run with you!  
If you say hide, we'll hide!  
Because my love for you  
Would break my heart in two  
If you should fall  
Into my arms  
And tremble like a flower.

Let's dance for fear your grace should fall!  
Let's dance for fear tonight is all!  
Let's sway you could look into my eyes!  
Let's sway under the moonlight, this serious moonlight!

If you say run, I'll run with you.  
If you say hide, we'll hide.  
Because my love for you...  
Would break my heart in two  
If you should fall  
Into my arms  
And tremble like a flower!

Let's dance put on your red shoes and dance the blues!  
Let's dance to the song they're playin' on the radio!  
Let's sway you could look into my eyes!  
Let's sway under the moonlight, this serious moonlight..."

A few of the girls squealed with joy as he danced off the stage while most of the audience just laughed their asses off, including the contestants in the back and the two hosts.

"Next up is Ruto, she shall be singing Hit Me With Your Best Shot by Pat Benatar."

"Well you're the real tough cookie with the long history  
Of breaking little hearts, like the one in me!  
Thats okay, let's see how you do it.  
Put up your dukes, lets get down to it!

Hit me with your best shot!  
Why don't you hit me with your best shot?  
Hit me with your best shot!  
Fire away!

You come on with a come on, you don't fight fair.  
But thats okay, see if I care!  
Knock me down, it's all in vain.  
I'll get right back on my feet again!

Hit me with your best shot!  
Why don't you hit me with your best shot?  
Hit me with your best shot!  
Fire away!

Well you're the real tough cookie with the long history  
Of breaking little hearts, like the one in me.  
Before I put another notch in my lipstick case  
You better make sure you put me in my place!

Hit me with your best shot!  
Come on, hit me with your best shot!  
Hit me with your best shot!  
Fire away!  
Hit me with your best shot!  
Why dont you hit me with your best shot?  
Hit me with your best shot!  
Fire away!"

Rachel and Katrina walked out onto the stage with bullet proof suits.

"Next is Vaati, performing False Pretense by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus."

They ran off as the fangirls began jumping up and down, screaming.

"Oh, it's time to let it go...

The world's got a funny way of turning 'round on you,  
When a friend tries to stab you right in the face!  
Losing faith in everything I thought I hoped I knew.  
Don't sweat it, it was set on false pretense!

Betrayed but not gonna be willing to change.  
And it doesn't seem likely to fade...  
Betrayed but not gonna be willing to change!  
Cu-cu-cu-cause you know...

It's sacrifice!  
False pretense you'll learn again!  
Stop pretending don't deny.  
False pretense you'll learn again!

All along you know you thought you got the best of me.  
You were wrong and I'm laughing right in your face!  
I cannot believe you claimed you were my family.  
Don't sweat it, it's set on false pretense!

Betrayed but not gonna be willing to change.  
And it doesn't seem likely to fade...  
Betrayed but not gonna be willing to change!  
Cu-cu-cu-cause you know...

It's sacrifice!  
False pretense you'll learn again!  
Stop pretending don't deny.  
False pretense you'll learn again!"

"Guitar!" Someone shouted from the crowd.

"Oh, it's time to let it go...

I can't seem to understand it how you turned out to be so cold!  
You tried but were caught red handed, are you happy with your role?  
It's funny to me how you've turned into such a joke...

It's sacrifice!  
False pretense you'll learn again!  
Stop pretending don't deny.  
False pretense you'll learn again!

So play the game until you run out!  
And play the game into my handing!"

He left to leave the stage when the fangirls leapt from their seats and pounced him, tackling him to the ground.

"CODE RED, CODE RED, WE HAVE A CODE RED! VAATI DOWN, VAATI DOWN!" Katrina shouted above the fangirls.

"Switch to Ichigo and Rai!" Rachel screamed to the cameras.

**We interrupt this program to bring you Ichigo and Rai performing Fireflies by Owl City.**

"You would not Believe your eyes  
If ten million fireflies  
Light up the world as I fell asleep!" Rai, a original character from Judge CrimsonDarkness 0013's Bloodstained Dusk, started.

"Cause they fill the open air  
And leave teardrops everywhere!  
You'd think me rude  
But I would just stand and stare." Ichigo, Ichigo102's original roleplay character, continued.

"I'd like to make myself believe that planet Earth turns slowly."  
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep!"  
"Cause everything is never as it seems."

"'Cause I'd get a thousand hugs from ten thousand lightning bugs  
As they tried to teach me how to dance!"  
"A foxtrot above my head.  
A sockhop beneath my bed."  
"A disco ball is just hanging by a thread!"

"I'd like to make myself believe that planet Earth turns slowly."  
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep!"  
"Cause everything is never as it seems."

"When I fall asleep leave my door open just a crack.  
(Please take me away from here)"  
"'Cause I feel like such an insomniac.  
(Please take me away from here)"  
"Why do I tire of counting sheep?  
(Please take me away from here)"  
"When I'm far too tired to fall asleep."

"To ten million fireflies!"  
"I'm weird 'cause I hate goodbyes."  
"I got misty eyes as they said farewell."  
"But I'll know where several are."  
"If my dreams get real bizarre!"  
"'Cause I saved a few and I keep them in a jar."

"I'd like to make myself believe that planet Earth turns slowly."  
"It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep!"  
"Cause everything is never as it seems."

"I'd like to make myself believe that planet Earth turns slowly."  
"It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep!"  
"Cause everything is never as it seems."

"I'd like to make myself believe that planet Earth turns slowly."  
"It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep."  
"'Cause my dreams are bursting at the seams!"

Rai and Ichigo took bows, Rai grabbed out a pouch of cheese and crackers when he was suddenly pounced on by rabid fangirls.

He screamed in terror as the TV blacked out and went back to Hyrule Sing-Off.

"Sorry about that, folks. Vaati's fine." Katrina had a few cuts on her. "Anyway..."

"Next is Zelda, performing Charmed Life by Leigh Nash." Rachel moaned as she rubbed her sore neck.

"It's a charmed life,  
Innocence wild.  
Crayola skies for a thousand miles.

It's a good life,  
In the happily ever after.  
Last page of a very last chapter.  
It's the story of a charmed life!

It's a charmed life.  
Unexplainable grace,  
Stumbling, you fall right into place.

It's a childlike world and you can feel the magic.  
Far from the typically tragic.  
That's the beauty of a charmed life!

Who needs to know,  
When it all comes and when it all goes?  
Who needs to know just when,  
Fate will take you there?

It's a charmed life,  
Innocence wild.  
Crayola skies for a thousand miles!

It's a good life,  
In the happily ever after.  
Last page of a very last chapter.  
It's the story of a charmed life!

Na na na...  
Na na na...

Who needs to know,  
When it all comes and when it all goes?  
Who needs to know just when?  
I know you'll be there.  
(I know you'll be there)

It's a charmed life,  
Innoncence wild.  
Crayola Skies for a thousand miles!

It's a good life,  
In the happily ever after.  
Last page of a very last chapter.  
It's the story of a charmed life!

Na na na...

(It's the story of a charmed life)

Na na na...

(It's the beauty of a charmed life)

Na na na...

(It's the story of a charmed life)

Na na na...

(It's the beauty of a charmed life)

Na na na...  
Na na na..."

"Performing Linkin Park's-hehehehe Link...ahem-What I've Done, Link." Rachel stepped off the stage.

"In this farewell,  
There is no blood,  
There is no Alibi.  
Cause I've drawn regret  
From the truth  
Of a thousand lies.

So let mercy come  
And wash away...

What I've done!  
I've faced myself,  
To cross out what I've become!  
Erase myself  
And let go of what I've done!

Put to rest,  
What you thought of me.  
While I clean this slate  
With the hands of uncertainty.

So let mercy come  
And wash away...

What I've done!  
I've faced myself,  
To cross out what I've become!  
Erase myself  
And let go of what I've done!

For what I've done...  
I start again!  
And whatever pain may come,  
Today this ends.  
I'm forgiving what I've done!

What I've done!  
I've faced myself,  
To cross out what I've become!  
Erase myself  
And let go of what I've done!

What I've done!  
Forgiving what I've done."

The fangirls stood up to jump him when Katrina and Rachel ran onto the stage with Tommy Guns.

"Don't even think of it!" The girls shouted.

"Aww, man." They sat back down.

"Next up is Midna, singing Sorrow by Flyleaf."

"Sometimes life seems to quiet into paralyzing silence.  
Like the moonless dark, meant to make me strong.  
Familiar breath of my old lies  
Changed the color in my eyes.  
Soon he will perferate the fabric of the peaceful by and by!

Sorrow lasts through this night!  
I'll take this piece of you, and hold for all eternity!  
For just one second I felt whole...as you flew right through me.

Left alone with only reflections of the memory...  
To face the ugly girl that's smothering me.  
Sitting closer than my pain...  
He knew each tear before it came,  
And soon he will perferate the fabric of the peaceful by and by!

And we kiss each other one more time.  
And sing this lie that's half way mine!  
The sword is slicing through the questions so I won't be fooled  
By his angel light!!!

Sorrow lasts through this night!  
I'll take this piece of you and hold for all eternity.  
For just one second I felt whole as you flew right though me  
and up into the stars!

Joy will come!"

The two girls came back out onto the stage.

"That's all for today, folks. See us next time on..."

"HYRULE SING-OFF!"

* * *


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: -_-'

A/N: WELL, I AM BACK! Sadly, no ocarina. But, I'll save up the cash for one. I got something better, though! A DS AND SPIRIT TRACKS!!!!

* * *

"Name's Katrina, this is Rachel. Fuck off."

"Damn, what the hell is up your ass?" Rachel glared at her co-worker.

"I'm tired and depressed that we have to do this."

"So is the cast."

"Shut up."

"Hey! Wait a second!" A voice called from off-stage.

"AH, NOT CEILIA OR NAVI!!!" The two girls proceeded to get into fetal position.

A blur ran over to them, jumping up and down. "It's a letter from the judges!"

Katrina eyed the Toad. "What the fuck are you doing here? This isn't the same fandom!"

Toad frowned. "Would you rather the Postman?"

The two looked like they would vomit. "Alright, you're fine."

Slowly, Katrina opened the envelope and quietly read to herself. She faced the eager crowd and confetti dropped from the ceiling. "ZANT, YOU HAVE BEEN VOTED OFF!" The host bellowed.

The Twili was being dragged by two men in white jackets. "NO, I WON'T GO TO THE AUCTION HOUSE!!!"

"Actually, Zant, you're being sent to the Auction House's Insane Asylum."

"**_NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO_**!"

"Well, now that that's over..."

"Here's Midna performing 'It's Oh So Quiet' by Bjork." The two girls left the stage.

The audience clapped as Midna slowly made her way, swishing a bit as she walked. The music played lowly.

"Shhhh." She turned to the audience. "Shhhh. It's oh so quiet...shh, shh, it's oh so still. Shh, shh. You're all alone. Shh, shh. And so peaceful until..."

The music blared and she jumped, confetti blasting and the stage background changing to the Twilight Realm.

"YOU FALL IN LOVE! **ZING BOOM! **The sky up above..._zing boom _is caving in. **WOW BAM! **You've never been so nuts about a guy! You wanna laugh, you wanna cry! You cross your heart and hope to die..."

The music calmed down once more and the background changed back to a night sky filled with stars. "'Til it's over and then, shh, shh, it's nice and quiet. Shh, shh. But soon again, shh, shh. Starts another big riot!"

"YOU BLOW A FUSE! **ZING BOOM! **The devil cuts loose! _Zing boom. _So what's the use? **WOW BAM! **Of falling in love?"

The crowd stared as she sat down and casually began picking at the petals of a flower. "It's oh so quiet...it's oh so still. You're all alone and so peaceful until..."

She ripped the flower in half and jumped to her feet. "YOU RING THE BELL! **BIM BAM! **You shout and you yell! _Hi ho ho_. You broke the spell! Gee, this is swell, you almost have a fit! This guy is "gorge" and I got hit, there's no mistake, **_THIS IS IT!!!!!!_**"

The music quieted down and she frowned. "'Til it's over and then it's nice and quiet. Shh, shh, but soon again. Shh, shh. Starts another big riot!"

The crowd sang with her. "YOU BLOW A FUSE! **ZING BOOM! **The devil cuts loose! _Zing boom. _So what's the use? **WOW BAM! **Of falling in love?"

"The sky caves in! The devil cuts loose! You blow, blow, blow, blow, blow your fuse!" Midna screamed. "AHHHHHHH! When you've fallen in love!!!"

She turned to the crowd with an all knowing smile. "Shhhhh."

The audience clapped loudly as Sheikahs lead her off the stage, Katrina and Rachel coming back on.

Rachel grinned. "I forgot to mention that the performances shall now be even more over the top! We have actually gained PROFITS from this show and therefore, we can afford cool stuff. WE EVEN HAVE FUCKING BODYGUARDS!"

Katrina pushed Rachel aside. "Whatever. Here is Link performing 'I'm in Love with a Fairytale' by Alexander Rybak."

The background scene was of Ordon, switching through each event that had taken place of Link's adventure as the fittle played and Link come onto the stage.

"Years ago, when I was younger...I kinda liked a girl I knew. She was mine and we were sweethearts. That was then, but then it's true!" He pointed to the background that held Midna grinning in her imp form.

"I'm in love with a fairytale! Even though it hurts. 'Cause I don't care if I lose my mind! I'm already cursed."

The scene changed to Hyrule Field at night, a tent out and a bickering Link and Midna sitting around a campfire. "Everyday, we started fighting. Everynight, we fell in love. No one else could make me sadder, but no one else could lift me high above!"

It switched to Link, Zelda, and Midna standing in the Mirror Chamber. "I don't know what I was doing, when suddenly, we fell apart!" The mirror shattered. "Nowadays, I cannot find her. But when I do, we'll get a brand new start! I'm in love with a fairytale! Even though it hurts. 'Cause I don't care if I lose my mind! I'm already cursed."

"She's a fairytale, yeah...Even though it hurts. 'Cause I don't care if I lose my mind! I'm already cursed."

The Link and Midna shippers sobbed. The Link and Zelda shippers growled. The Link and Tingle shippers stared.

"Next up is Ruto performing 'I Don't Want to (Love You)' by Tat." The girls ran off the stage before they could be murdered viciously.

Ruto jumped up onto the stage, the background being of Lake Hylia. The guitar played. "Your absence doesn't make my heart grow fonder, I won't miss you more and more yeah. Insane infatuation drives me crazy! Nah, no one but myself can save me. 'Cos I don't wanna love you!!! I don't wanna miss you more and more and more." She grabbed out a bag of pictures of Link.

An audience member tossed her a torch and she began to set them on fire. The crowd gasped. "Your absence doesn't make my heart grow fonder! I'll just hate you more and more yeah.  
This strange obsession, yeah it eats me up inside, I can't take it anymore yeah. And what you wanna do? And what you wanna say? This severed blunt street only goes one way, tried and tested, another fuck up for sure. I can't take this anymore!"

She threw down a green tunic and began to burn that, also. "'Cos I don't wanna love you! And I don't wanna miss you more and more and more. And I don't wanna love you! And dream about you and lost my mind over you."

Ruto shrugged at the amazed crowd. "I'm like those people who'll just sit there and they stare at you blankly enough to think, 'What the fuck's been going through you mind lately?' And what you wanna do? And what you wanna say? Could it be heartbreak? Could it be passion? Wouldn't know unless you ask them! So what they're thinking is, 'Hey, I don't look like this 24/7, give me one second I'll just go get another expression!' Reconcile my apathy with my personality. Give me a reason not to care!"

She tossed a green cap down and burned it. "'Cos I don't wanna love you! And I don't wanna miss you more and more and more. And I don't wanna love you! I'm bored of this bullshit and I'm sick of being strung up on you. 'Cos I don't wanna love you! And I don't wanna miss you more and more and more. And I don't wanna love you! And dream about you and lost my mind over you."

Ruto sighed sadly. "You took my heart, my soul away, and left me thinking 'bout you everyday. You took my heart, my soul away, and left me feeling like a fucking waste. 'Cos I don't wanna love you! And I don't wanna miss you more and more and more. And I don't wanna love you! I'm bored of this bullshit and I'm sick of being strung up on you!"

Surprisingly, a few Squirtles ran out onto the stage, quickly putting out the bonfire as Ruto took a bow.

Katrina's eyes were wide. "Holy shit. She got over her obsession!"

Rachel shrugged. "Next up is Zelda, performing 'Killer Queen' by Queen."

Zelda smiled politely at the cheering crowd. Hyrule Castle was behind her as she began.

"She keeps Moet et Chandon in a pretty cabinet. 'Let them eat cake,' she says! Just like Marie Antoinette. A built-in remedy for Khrushchev and Kennedy. At anytime an invitation you can't decline. Caviar and cigarettes. Well versed in etiquette. Extraordinarily nice!"

The audience joined in with her. "She's a Killer Queen! Gunpowder, Gelatine. Dynamite with a laser beam! Guaranteed to blow your mind, _anytime_."

The background changed to the throne room as Zelda tossed her tira into the audience. "Recommended at the price. Insatiable an appetite. Wanna try?"

Surprisingly, the dignified Princess of Hyrule, winked suggestivly at the males. "To avoid complications, she never kept the same address. In conversation, she spoke just like a baroness. Met a man from China, went down to Asia Minor. Then again, incidentally, if you're that way inclined. Perfume came naturally from Paris. For cars, she couldn't care less. Fastidious and precise!"

Once more, everyone joined in. "She's a Killer Queen! Gunpowder, Gelatine. Dynamite with a laser beam! Guaranteed to blow your mind, _anytime_."

"Drop of a hat, she's as willing as playful as a pussy cat! Then momentarily, out of action, temporarily out of gas to absolutely drive you wild, _wild_. She's out to get you!"

"She's a Killer Queen! Gunpowder, Gelatine. Dynamite with a laser beam! Guaranteed to blow your mind, _anytime_."

Happy that the song was almost over, along with her performance, Zelda gave her all. "Recommended at the price. Insatiable in appetite. Wanna try? You wanna try!" As the guitar faded out, Zelda was already long gone.

"Next up is Maple, she shall be performing 'Witchy Woman' by The Eagles."

The music began as a dark forest appeared in the background, most likely the Lost Woods. Maple flew onto the stage.

"Raven hair and ruby lips. Sparks fly from her finger tips! Echoed voices in the night. She's a restless spirit on an endless flight! Wooo hooo witchy woman, see how high she flies? Woo hoo witchy woman, she got the moon in her eye!"

Maple began to cast spells, fire dancing as if it were a Flare Dancer. "She held me spellbound in the night, dancing shadows and firelight. Crazy laughter in another! Room and she drove herself to madness with a silver spoon. Wooo hooo witchy woman, see how high she flies? Woo hoo witchy woman, she got the moon in her eye!"

Shadows danced with the fire, the water so close to taking the fire out. The wind blew and began to dance as well, Maple conducting it all with her hands. "Well I know you want a lover, let me tell your brother! She's been sleeping in the devil's bed. And there's some rumors going round. Someone's underground! She can rock you in the nighttime til your skin turns red! Wooo hooo witchy woman, see how high she flies? Woo hoo witchy woman, she got the moon in her eye!"

The crowd whistled and cheered as she, shockingly, walked off the stage.

"Now, for one of Hyrule's other magic users. He abuses his powers and has been defeated thrice...here's Vaati, performing Moulin Rouge's 'El Tango de Roxanne'!" Katrina exclaimed.

"Why the frig did you give him an awesome intro?"

"Because, he's the last one and Judge Jyrral has forever been waiting for this song."

"Oh."

Vaati frowned as he stepped out onto the stage, the background being of the Gerudo Desert. "First there is desire, then...passion! Then...suspicion! Jealosy! Anger! Betrayal! Where love is for the highest bidder, there can be no trust. Without trust, there is no love! Jealosy. Yes, jealosy...Will drive you mad!"

The background changed to that of Hyrule Castle Town's shady alleys. "Roxanne, you don't have to put on that red light. Walk the streets for money. You don't care if its wrong or if it is right. Roxanne, you don't have to wear that dress tonight! Roxanne, you don't have to sell your body to the night."

A random Vaati fangirl was taken upon the stage, Chancelor Cole sexually harassing her. "His eyes upon your face! His hand upon your hand! His lips caress your skin! It's more than I can stand! Roxanne! Why does my heart cry? Roxanne! Feelings I can't fight...You're free to leave me but just don't deceive me. And please, believe me when I say I love you."

The Vaati fangirl vanished in midair, the crowd gasping. "And I, who love you so much; what am I going to do? You left me...you left me like a dove. My soul has left me; my heart has left me. I no longer wish to live because I cannot convince you not to sell yourself, Roxanne. Roxanne, you don't have to put on that red light! Why does my heart cry? Feelings I can't fight...Roxanne, you don't have to wear that dress tonight! Roxanne, you don't have to put on that red light! Why does my heart cry? Roxanne, you don't have to wear that dress tonight! Feelings I can't fight...ROXANNE!"

The crowd clapped while the Vaati fangirl pounced Vaati, whom was in the middle of taking a large bow. The Sheikah bodyguards pulled her off of him before any real damage could be done or the rating of the show could go to R.

"Well, that's all the time we have left!" Katrina popped back out on the stage.

"Make sure to vote off your least favorite performer!" Rachel ordered.

"Recommend your favorite songs that fit characters; especially Maple!"

"AND FOR GOODNESS SAKE, STOP COMPLAINING ABOUT WHAT YOU DIDN'T GET FOR THE HOLIDAYS AND GET OFF YOUR FAT ASSES AND GO PLAY OUTSIDE BEFORE SCHOOL STARTS UP!"

"I'm Katrina Longbottom!"

"And I'm Rachel Tiverway!"

The two suddenly held two microphones, leaning on each other in a very Mermaid Melody style. "And this is Hyrule Sing-Off signing off! SEE YOU IN 2010!"

* * *

A/N: Coming 2010:

Go behind the scenes with the cast and see how each character prepares before their performance.

Hear the real dirt that goes on after the show.

Join the cast in the morning.

And, see how much work the Hyrule Sing-Off girls and crew do just to air the show!

--

2010:

"Well, personally, I think she has a large ass."

"To be honest, he's not such a bad guy. I mean, if it weren't for the whole 'I tried to take Hyrule over' thing, I'd think he was just this really perstimistic dark twisted humor type of guy."

"I'm way over him. Now, I'm just looking for a sweet guy that **won't **leave me hanging."

"After the series, my lord has promised to rent a hotel room so we may...well...can I say it on cable?"

"He keeps wanting to have sex, alright?!"

"I'm just happy that we never ran into Tingle."

"Ruling a kingdom isn't easy! YOU try having this royal deminor on a televison show."

"Meh, I just came here for free food and something to do."

"A few of them are not as annoying as I presumed they would be. But, still, if I had my way, they would all be dead. But, hey, that's just me."

--

SPOILER: In order to know who Chancelor Cole is, you have to have played Spirit Tracks or at _least _read about it a bit. END SPOILER. Well, there you guys have it. I finally did it. See you guys in 2010!


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